HPTV aka Harry Potter TV
by Hogwarts Graduate
Summary: This is just a little talk show featuring me, Lindsay the Great, and all the Harry Potter character. They come to my show and I...inteview them...please R/R...even if you hate it! :-D
1. Day One with Harry

HPTV  
  
This is just like my HMTV (Harvest Moon TV) but it's HPTV (Harry Potter TV). Enjoy!  
  
As sad as it is I do NOT own any Harry Potter Characters, the only character in this story I own is...myself...::hangs head:: that's not fair. Oh well...have funnnnn.  
  
~*~WaRnInG~*~ This is your last chance...if you are NOT prepared to read something totally twisted andhas no plot...well...it might, I just don't wanna disappoint you in case there isn't...then please read something else UNTIL you are prepared to read this :-D.  
  
Harry Potter TV  
  
Lindsay: ::sitting at host desk:: Welcome to HPTV! I'm your host Lindsay the Great!  
  
::applause::  
  
Lindsay: Thank you, thank you. Now, we have a great show for you today. Who knows who is going to be here! Now...  
  
::grabs cards on desk::  
  
Lindsay: Our first guess is a quite handsome young man. Harry Potter!  
  
::the intro music plays and Harry Potter walks out onto the stage and over to the host's desk. He sits down in a chair.::  
  
Lindsay: Wow, Harry Potter. It's great for you to be here with us today!  
  
Harry: ::British accent:: Yes, I'm happy to be as well.  
  
Lindsay: Is that real.  
  
::Points at him::  
  
Harry: What?  
  
Lindsay: That accent.  
  
Harry: Yes...  
  
Lindsay: That's cool...I wish I could have a British accent...  
  
Harry: That's nice.  
  
Lindsay: Isn't it though? So, tell us a little about yourself.  
  
Harry: Doesn't everyone already know everything about me already?  
  
Lindsay: DON'T QUESTION ME!  
  
Harry: ...  
  
Lindsay: I'm waiiiiting.  
  
Harry: Well...I'm going on 15 years old until the next book comes out, even if it takes another five years. I go to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry...  
  
Lindsay: You're a wizard?  
  
Harry: Yes...  
  
Lindsay: Wow...I didn't know THAT...see, Mr. Smarty-pants, everyone doesn't know everything about you.  
  
Harry: Uh-huh...I like to play Quidditch, I'm seeker on my house team, Gryffindor.  
  
Lindsay: That's a funny name.  
  
::Harry thinks about it.::  
  
Harry: Hmm...Gryffindor is a funny name...  
  
Lindsay: No, silly. Harry. It's a funny name. Harry...Harry...  
  
Harry: What?  
  
Lindsay: It's a funny name.  
  
Harry: Gryffindor?  
  
Lindsay: No! Harry.  
  
Harry: What!?  
  
Lindsay: IT'S FUNNY!  
  
Harry: Gryffindor?  
  
Lindsay: NO! Your name!  
  
Harry: How is it funny?  
  
Lindsay: It remind the word "hairy".  
  
Harry: You're strange.  
  
Lindsay: I know, anyway...you are going to be here for the rest of the show am I correct?  
  
Harry: Yes, I'll be sitting in this chair...  
  
:;points to chair next to him::  
  
Harry: ...away from you.  
  
Lindsay That's great, so, what do you say we call out another guest?  
  
Harry: That sounds great!  
  
::Harry moves into the next chair and sighs a sigh of relief.::  
  
Lindsay: Alrighty! When we come back, Ronald Weasley!  
  
Ron: ::Off stage:: IT'S RON!!  
  
Lindsay: Whatever! We'll be back, after these messages!!  
  
A/N: Yeah, I know, not THAT funny...but I'm so bored! I have nothing to do so I gotta do something! Please read and review...um...yes, if you want to leave a flame, sure, but you gotta tell me what was wrong with it! As I see it, even if it is a flame...it's a review...and that means you read it!! Hehehe... 


	2. Day One with Ron

Again I DON'T own the Harry Potter characters...as much as I like to think I do, I don't. I only own myself.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Commercial One:  
  
::Ron walks into the girls bathroom::  
  
Ron: Hey, Hermione, wutcha got there?  
  
Hermione: It's...  
  
::Hermione turns toward the camera and a big smile comes across her face.::  
  
Hermione: Polyjuice potion. Made by me, for sale only to the first fifty callers so call today, out assistances are waiting...  
  
::Hermione points over to the sink and we see Harry, Ron, and Myrtle waiting anxiously by the phones.::  
  
Hermione: So call today for your polyjucie potion to turn into a person to spy on that special someone!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Commercial Two:  
  
Voldie: Hello. My name is Voldie. Most of you know me as "He-who-must-not- be-named" or "You-know-who". I thought I'd take this time to announce to everyone that my new CD "Puppes, Kitties, and Butterflies" will be going on sale this Friday and if you don't...I WILL BLAST YOU ALL INTO OBLIVION!! Thanks and have a great day!  
  
::He walks away humming "Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows."::  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lindsay: Weeeeee're back!  
  
Harry: Joy...  
  
Lindsay: Shush up you, for the rest of my show you shall be my slave.  
  
Harry: What!  
  
Lindsay: Silence! ::snaps fingers and a pair of shackles and cuffs come on Harry's writs and ankles::  
  
Harry: Err...  
  
Lindsay: Much better...now, on this segment on the show we will have...::looks at card:: Ronald...  
  
Ron: IT'S RON!!  
  
Lindsay: Ron Weasley.  
  
::The music comes on and Ron walks out on stage and plops himself down in the chair next to Harry and the host's desk.::  
  
Lindsay: ::very sweetly:: Hello, Ron, how are you?  
  
Harry: ::whispers to Ron:: Don't fall for it, she's not sweet.  
  
Lindsay: Hush you! Don't make me gag you, too!  
  
Ron: ::British accent:: I'm good, how are you?  
  
Lindsay: Is that real?  
  
::Points at Ron::  
  
Ron: What?  
  
Harry: Yes! We are British! We live in Britain! We have British accents! Get it in your head.  
  
Lindsay: ::ahem:: I asked Ron...  
  
Ron: Um...yes.  
  
Lindsay: HA! I knew it...  
  
Ron: ...  
  
Lindsay: Yes, anyway...So, I hear that you both have been making a new movie.  
  
Ron: Well, it's not exactly a new movie.  
  
Harry: Just a parody of our other movie.  
  
Lindsay: Yes, yes, let's watch Ron's scene with the Embarasser.  
  
Ron: Do we have to?  
  
Lindsay: YES!  
  
Ron: ::sigh:: Alright then.  
  
::The video TV screen pops up behind them and they turn to watch:  
  
~*~*~*~ "Letter (Mrs. Weasley's Voice): RONALD WEASLEY!  
  
Ron: IT'S RON!!!  
  
::He throws down the letter, but that doesn't matter, considering the letter is floating above him and is like...screaming at him...ahh, again, this is what acting is all about. That look on Ron's face is priceless...::  
  
Letter (Mrs. Weasley's Voice): HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT CAR! I AM ABSOLUTLY DISGUESTED! YOUR FATHER IS NOW FACING AN INQUIRRY AT WORK AND IT IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT! IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE WE'LL BRINGING YOU STRAIGT HOME!! Oh, and Ginny dear, congratulations on making Gryffindor...  
  
::The entire Great Hall, who's attention was no focused on Ron, is now staring at Ginny. Ginny looks totally embarrassed.::  
  
Letter (Mrs. Weasley's Voice): ...Your father and I are so proud.  
  
::The letter looks like it is about to bite Ron, but instead it blows a raspberry at him. Then, makes a funny clicking noise and turns into a hologram. Ron is turning bright bright red.::  
  
Ron: Oh, no. NO!  
  
::We see on the hologram a little Ron about three years old. He is with his mummy who is holding a baby Ginny. Little Fred, little George, and little Percy are running around outside chasing each other. Ron runs away from all the little kids a points at an airplane. We hear Mr. Weasley's voice over the..."memory" thingy.::  
  
Yonger Mr. Weasley's Voice: Wow. Yes, Ronnie, that's a Muggle airplane. Can we say Muggle airplane?  
  
Three-year-old Ron: MUUGGGGLE AIRPWANE!! AIRPWANE AIRPWANE!!  
  
Yonger Mr. Weasley's Voice: Yes, that's right, Muggle airpwane.  
  
::We hear a funny noise...kind of like a poopy noise...Ron looks back and Mr. Weasley (into the "camera" thingy) and burst into tears.::  
  
Yonger Mr. Weasley's Voice: Uh-oh...um...Molly! Come here, dear!  
  
::Mrs. Weasley runs over to them.::  
  
Mrs. Weasley: What is it, dear?  
  
Yonger Mr. Weasley's Voice: Ronnie, just made a poopie.  
  
Fred: Ewww!!  
  
George: Poopie pants! Poopie pants!  
  
::Fred joins in and they both begin dancing around Ron singing their new song::  
  
Fred and George: Poopie pants! Poopie pants! Poopie pants!  
  
::The camera thing begins to mess up.::  
  
Mrs. Weasley: Fredie! Georgie! That's enough!  
  
::The camera begins to fade out but we can still hear Fred and George singing their song.::  
  
Fred and George: Poopie pants! Poopie pants!" ~*~*~*~  
  
The video ends and we turn to see Ron and Harry laughing like crazy.::  
  
Lindsay: That was brilliant, Ron.  
  
Ron: Thanks, you wrote it...  
  
Lindsay: Well so I did...Ronnie...how would you like to spend the remainder of the show with us as well as Harry?  
  
Ron: Um...sure!  
  
Lindsay: Alright, I'm going to have to ask you to move down on the seat next to Harry.  
  
Ron: Sure!  
  
::Ron moves down and sits next to Harry, who is still chained. Lindsay holds up her hands as if about to snap them.::  
  
Lindsay: ::stops herself:: No, I won't chain you, I like you too much.  
  
Ron: Thanks!  
  
Harry: That's unfair!!  
  
Lindsay: I know! We'll be back after these messages!! Hey, Ron! Let's dance!  
  
::As the music to a commercial begins to play Ron and Lindsay both get up and begin to dance. Harry attemps to but can't get up, so he moves his head back and forth with his arms too.::  
  
A/N: Hope you guys stick with this story to get this far!! Please review!! Thanks!!!  
  
Allllso...the "Embarrasser" scene is from my other fan fiction "The SECOND Rejected Harry Potter Script". If you enjoyed that part of this fan fiction then please check out my rejected scripts...yeah they are long, but the longer you wait to read them the longer you have to read...::giggles:: that's how I see it :-D 


	3. Day One with Hermione

Remember my little lawyer friends, I own nothing except myself and have a nice day!  
  
Commercial Three:  
  
::Ron walks into the library::  
  
Ron: Hey, Hermione, wutcha reading?  
  
::Madam Pince hushes Ron::  
  
Hermione: ::whispering: It's...  
  
::Hermione turns toward the camera and a big smile comes across her face.::  
  
Hermione: ::whispering:: "Hogwarts: A History" and you should too...  
  
::she points at the camera to all the people at home::  
  
Hermione: ::whispering:: ...that's why if you order this great book today you will receive your very own Polyjuice Potion. Only available to the first fifty callers, so call today at 1-800-46492787-2-4478679. That's 1- 800-Hogwarts-a-history. Remember, our operators are standing by...  
  
::Hermione points over to a big pile of books and we see Harry, Ron, and Madam Pince waiting anxiously by the phones.::  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
::Back to show, we see a still picture of Fred and George Weasley back to back, smiling.::  
  
Lindsay: That's the Weasley twins. They'll be on our show a little later to talk about their new joke shop, located in Diagon Alley.  
  
Harry: Jeez, how long is this show?  
  
Lindsay: If you ever want to go on parole from those chains, then hush!  
  
::Ron smacks Harry on the back of the head::  
  
Harry: What was that for?  
  
Ron: Dunno...  
  
Harry: Why you little...  
  
::He attempts to get up but fortunately the chains are keeping him down.::  
  
Lindsay: Right, anywho, out next guest is the one...the only...HERMIONE GRANGER!!  
  
::into music plays and Hermione comes out and sits in the chair next to host's desk.::  
  
Lindsay: Welcome, Hermy...can I call you Hermy?  
  
Hermione: ::British accent:: Sure.  
  
Lindsay: Is that real?  
  
::points to Hermione::  
  
Harry: Oh, for the love of cheese!  
  
::Everyone stares at Harry.::  
  
Lindsay: Just ignore him, he's a little...mental.  
  
Hermione: Yeah, I can see that. He's a little mental on the set too.  
  
Harry: I'm not the mental one!! You are!  
  
::Nods to Lindsay::  
  
Harry: I just wanna be free...::sniffs:: to be with the other wizards and frolic with them...  
  
Lindsay: :: sympathetically:: Awww, you wanna be with your little friends?  
  
::Harry nods a little nod::  
  
Lindsay: Isn't that cute...TOO BAD...you're MY slave now. Anway, Hermy...I call my hamster "Hermy", yeah know?  
  
Hermione: Really now...  
  
::she looks a little scared::  
  
Lindsay: Yeah, I named her Hermione because she looks just like you!  
  
::Hermione blinks::  
  
Lindsay: I think J.K. Rowling stole that name from my thoughts. I was calling you...I mean my hamsters, Hemy loooong before the fifth book came out.  
  
Hermione: That's nice ::still scared::  
  
Lindsay: Yeah, I thought so.  
  
::They sit in silence for a minute or two::  
  
Lindsay: Know any good jokes?  
  
Hermione: Nope...  
  
Lindsay: Too bad...  
  
Ron: I love Hermione.  
  
::Everyone stares at Ron::  
  
Harry: Dude, you said you weren't going to say anything! We shook on it.  
  
Ron: I don't care anymore.  
  
::Ron gets up and walks over to Hermione. He gets down on one knee and pulls out a wee little box.::  
  
Ron: Hermione, will you marry me?  
  
Harry: No! Marry me!!  
  
::Harry tries to reach for something in is pocket but sadly can't. Cho runs out on stage::  
  
Cho: You said you loved me, Harry!  
  
Harry: ::looks away from Cho:: Sorry, baby, but these things happen.  
  
Hermione: I'm sorry, Ron, but I can't.  
  
Harry: Ha! She really loves me!  
  
Hermione: No, actually, I really can't stand you, Harry.  
  
Cho: HA! ::she runs off stage::  
  
Harry: No! Cho come back! ::tries to get up but can't:: I really love you!!  
  
::No answer::  
  
Harry: ::hangs head:: Now I have no one...  
  
Lindsay: YAY!!  
  
::Evil glare from Harry::  
  
Ron: Hermione...why not?  
  
Hermione: Because I'm already engaged.  
  
Ron: To who? You're only fifteen!  
  
Hermione: ...Draco.  
  
Lindsay: OOOOH, Bum bum bum!! We'll be back with our final two guests after theeeeeese messages!!  
  
::the music to go to a commercial comes on::  
  
Harry: What!? Final two? That means I get to go home and leave this place forever!!  
  
::He laughs menacingly and the camera fades out.::  
  
A/N: This is really the first day out of...as many days it takes to interview them all. Please review, hope you enjoyed it! 


	4. Day One with Draco

Again! I do NOT own anything...::tear:: stop reminding me!...Wait, I do own something! Myself ::hugs self:: Ah, I feel loved now. Enjoy!  
  
Commercial Four:  
  
::Ron walks into the Gryffindor tower::  
  
Ron: Hey, Hermione, wutcha doing?  
  
Hermione: Your  
  
::Hermione turns toward the camera and a big smile comes across her face.::  
  
Hermione: homework! And I'll do yours, too! Just call right now! Right this very second at 1-800-36-69-466396725-367-63! That's 1-800-do-my-homework- for-me! The first fifty callers get a FREE Polyjuice potion and a FREE copy of "Hogwarts: A History". So call today! Our operators are standing by!  
  
::Hermione points over to a group of about 8 Gryffindors who are on the phone. Every time someone hangs up, the phone rings again.::  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
::Back to show, we see a still picture of Volide, smiling::  
  
Lindsay: Ah, good to be back...That's ::looks at card:: Voldie! He will be here tomorrow night, performing his single "Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows". Hermy, Ron, Harry, aren't you all glad to be back too??  
  
Hermy: Oh yes, I'm ::gets mad and stares at Ron:: SO HAPPY...  
  
Ron: ::through gritted teeth:: ME TOO.  
  
::the both now have their backs to each other::  
  
Lindsay: Harry? What about you?  
  
Harry: I'm very happy, Lindsay.  
  
Lindsay: Why? You're in chains...  
  
Harry: Yes...but soon I will not be.  
  
Lindsay: Say's who?  
  
Harry: At the end of the show. Then I shall be a free little wizard.  
  
Lindsay: Riiight, whatever. Anyway, Hermy...you wanna sit of the floor dearie, over there...::points next to Ron:: 'Cause we need to make space for the next guest.  
  
Hermione: I'll just leave...::starts to get up::  
  
Lindsay: You don't wanna stay? ::is about to cry::  
  
Hermione: I don't want to be near him...::points at Ron::  
  
Lindsay ::snaps fingers and a chair pops up opposite side of host desk:: And neither does out next guest! Put your hands together for Draco Malfoy!  
  
::the music plays and Draco walks out::  
  
Ron: WHAT!?  
  
Harry: WHAT!?  
  
Hermione: Yay!!  
  
::Draco sits down next to Harry::  
  
Lindsay: Welcome, Draco.  
  
Draco: ::British accent:: Thank you.  
  
Lindsay: Is that...  
  
Harry, Ron, Hermione: YES!  
  
Lindsay: Just making sure...he COULD be an imposter.  
  
Draco: Hi, Hermy! ::waves to Hermione across the desk::  
  
Ron: ::growls::  
  
Harry: ::whistling "Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows" and looking around::  
  
Hermione: Hi, my little sugar dumpling.  
  
Lindsay: Have you ever had chicken and dumplings, Draco?  
  
Draco: Um...yes?  
  
Lindsay: I think they would be better with sugar dumplings...  
  
Hermione: ...  
  
Draco: ...  
  
Ron: ...  
  
Harry: Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows...  
  
::Everyone stares at Harry::  
  
Harry: What? It's a catchy tune.  
  
Lindsay: So, Draco...we've heard about your little proposal...  
  
::Hermione and Lindsay giggle::  
  
Draco: Well, yes...  
  
Hermione: ::sigh:: He's so romantic...  
  
Lindsay: So, HOW did that happen? I mean...one minute you're calling her ::points to Hermione:: a Mudblood. What happen?  
  
Draco: Well, it all started when...  
  
Hermione: Wait a minute...  
  
Draco: Yes, sweetie?  
  
Hermione: You did call me a Mudblood...more than once...  
  
Draco: Yes, well...there is no denying it...I mean, you aren't pure- blood...so...you are a...Mudblood...  
  
Hermione: Okay! That is it!  
  
::She takes her ring off and chucks it a Draco's head. It hits him in the right spot and he falls unconscience.::  
  
Hermione: I can't believe how blind I am!  
  
::she turns to Ron::  
  
Hermione: I'm so sorry. I should have seen it all along. You were the one who when Draco called me a Mudblood, defended me...  
  
Ron: Well, duh...  
  
Hermione: I'm sorry...  
  
Ron: I love you?  
  
Hermione: I love you, too, Ronnie.  
  
::They lean in to kiss::  
  
Lindsay: Isn't this sweet!  
  
Harry: AH!! MY EYES! I'M GOING TO BE BLIND!!  
  
::everyone stares at Harry. Harry begins to rub his eyes::  
  
Harry: OOOOOW!!!  
  
Lindsay: You just ruined the moment! If you think you are EVER going to get out of THOSE chains mister, then you are WRONG!  
  
Harry: No! I was just eating this taco and got hot sauce in my eye!  
  
Ron: Where did you get the taco?  
  
Harry: It was in Draco's pocket.  
  
Ron: Oh, okay.  
  
Hermione: Does anyone else thinks that's a little weird?  
  
::everyone else shakes their heads::  
  
Lindsay: I think it's perfectly normal...look what I got in my pocket...  
  
::she pulls out a puppy dog::  
  
Lindsay: Isn't she just the cutest?  
  
Ron: I don't like dogs...  
  
Lindsay: Too bad! Here, Ron, hold her while we go into a commercial.  
  
Ron: Why me?  
  
Lindsay: Because Harry's eating a taco, and Hermione isn't doing anything. So here...  
  
::she snaps her fingers and Ron is now holding the dog::  
  
Lindsay: Aw, so cute...we'll be right back with Fred and George!  
  
::audience applauds for the second time that night...hmm...and the camera fades out::  
  
A/N: Yeah, so...what'd you think? You know that hot sauce incident really happened to me at age 2. My dad and I got Taco Bell and he was putting hot sauce on an taco and it bounced off the taco and into my eye. Don't ask how, it just did...then we washed it out and go Oreos...I remember that day so well...don't ask how...I just do...woo, got off track, please review and I'll update shortly!! 


	5. Day One with Fred and George

I don't own Harry Potter...quit making me remind myself...  
  
Commercial Five:  
  
Volide: Hello, all. I just wanted to remind you again to buy my new CD coming out Friday! "Puppies, Kitties, and Butterflies"! It's going to be great!  
  
::begins to dance to one of the new songs "Saving Lives".::  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lindsay: Welcome back! I can't wait until tomorrow's show, it's going to be great!  
  
Harry: Too bad I'm not going to be here.  
  
Lindsay ::chuckles:: ::thinks to self:: That's what you think, Mister...::aloud:: Whatever.  
  
Hermione: So, Ronnie...as I was saying, the wedding should be in the Muggle world...  
  
Ron: ::holding dog out:: Un-huh, un-huh...sure...yeah...wow...  
  
Hermione: Are you even listening to me?  
  
Ron: Yes, wedding in Muggle world, dad'll love it.  
  
Mr. Weasley from Audience: I can't wait!  
  
Ron: Dad?  
  
::Mr. Weasley waves::  
  
Ron: Um...hi...  
  
::Draco wakes up::  
  
Draco: Who took Joe!?  
  
Lindsay and Harry: Who's Joe?  
  
Joe from inside Harry's stomach: ::muffled:: I'm in here!  
  
::Draco puts his ear up to Harry's stomach::  
  
Draco: You ate Joe!  
  
Hermione: Uh-oh...  
  
Ron: What?  
  
Hermione: Joe was Dracos favorite taco...  
  
Draco: ::on the floor sobbing:: He...was...my...bestest...FRIEND...::big looooong snort from Draco::  
  
Hermione: That's so sad...  
  
Draco: I was...::sniff:: going to give him to you, Hermy...  
  
Hermione: Drakie! You really do care!  
  
::She runs to him and comforts him, the dog in Ron's hands barks because he is squeezing it out of rage::  
  
Dog: Squeak, squeak.  
  
Lindsay: Um...Ron...I don't think dogs are suppose to make noises like that...  
  
Harry: ::imitating the dog:: Squeak, squeak.  
  
Hermione: You worry me, Harry...  
  
Ron: ::roar::  
  
::everyone stares at Ron::  
  
Draco: Mommy?  
  
Ron: That's what you're going to be saying in a minute!  
  
::he takes off Draco and pounces on him::  
  
Hermione: STOP IT, RON!  
  
Draco: ::in the middle of the fight:: Why...I mean...right, GET OFF!  
  
Harry: ::opens eyes:: What did I miss?  
  
Lindsay: STOP!  
  
::Everyone stops and stares at her::  
  
Lindsay: SIT DOWN!  
  
::Ron and Hermione sit in chairs. Draco sits on the floor.::  
  
Harry: But I already am...  
  
Lindsay: SHUT UP!  
  
Ron: What now?  
  
Lindsay: SHUT UP!  
  
::Ron shuts up::  
  
Lindsay: Ahh, much better. Now welcome out guests...::snaps fingers and two chairs pop up:: I feel like I own the world...FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY!  
  
::Fred and George walk out on stage to the into music a little frightened.::  
  
Lindsay: Gred, Feorge, have a seat.  
  
::They sit immediately::  
  
Lindsay: Are you scared of me?  
  
::they nod their heads::  
  
Lindsay: Ah, ha ha...Don't be...  
  
::They sigh and everything is better::  
  
Fred: So, Lindsay...how are you?  
  
Lindsay: I'm great. Sorry I scared you guys there.  
  
George: Ah, no problem. Doesn't really bother us, I mean ::whispers:: look at our mother.  
  
Mrs. Weasley from audience: I heard that!  
  
Fred: Love ya, mum!  
  
Lindsay: So, tell us about your shop.  
  
Fred: Well, we're located in Diagon Alley.  
  
George: Yes, we have everything from our new inventions, which we aren't aloud to mention on live television, to all the old, classic jokes.  
  
Fred: Yes, you've got to come by and see us sometime.  
  
Lindsay: Yes, well, later this week we'll be by there so we can have a look around and advertise you more!  
  
George: We'll give you the money later...  
  
:Fred smacks George and whispers something to him::  
  
George: I mean, free samples for ALLLLLL!  
  
::the crowd cheers::  
  
Lindsay: Wow...you guys are nice.  
  
Fred: Yeah, we know.  
  
Lindsay: Anything else anyone has to add to this?  
  
::Ron raises his hand::  
  
Lindsay: Yes?  
  
Ron: Does this mean, Hermione and I aren't getting married anymore?  
  
Hermione: Nope, Drakie cares about me still.  
  
Ron: Marry both of us...  
  
Draco: Um...yeah...  
  
Hermione: Um...OKAY!  
  
Lindsay: Aww, now everyone's happy!  
  
Harry: Even me!  
  
Lindsay: ::ahem:: Whatever...  
  
Harry: What do you mean by "whatever"?  
  
Lindsay: You'll see...so, Gred, Feorge. Are you happy.  
  
George: Oh, yes, very.  
  
Fred: Never better.  
  
Lindsay: Great! Now, tomorrow, we got a great show! We go Voldie singing a new one!  
  
::crowd cheers::  
  
Lindsay: Oliver Wood!  
  
::crowd cheers::  
  
Lindsay: Mrs. Norris!  
  
::crowd cheers::  
  
Lindsay: Guilderoy Lockhart!  
  
::crowd cheers::  
  
Lindsay: ...and last but definitely not least, the famous, Harry Potter! Night everyone!  
  
::outro music begins and audience begins to applause::  
  
Harry: WHAT!?  
  
Lindsay: Bye!! ::waves bye to the camera::  
  
Harry: What are you talking about!? I'm not going to be here! No! STOP WITH THE MUSIC! STOP IT! NOOOO!!!  
  
::camera fades out::  
  
A/N: Well...that was interesting...for me and I know for you, too. Please stay turned for I've got many many many more chapters to write soooooooo...stay tuned!! 


	6. Night One to Day Two

I don't own Harry Potter. I only own myself, what more do you want?  
  
~*~*~That night~*~*~  
  
::We are in a dark studio. With a dark sage and dark host's desk and dark guest chairs. They are all empty, except one. Someone is sitting in it..::  
  
Harry: HELP ME!  
  
::Harry is still chained to the chair.::  
  
Harry: ANYBODY? PLEASE!  
  
::We see someone open the door to the studio, the studio fills with light until the door is closed.::  
  
Harry: Oh! Thank you! Please, you have to help me. I've been chained here for hours.  
  
::The person just stares at him. The whole studio fills with light and we see the janitor.::  
  
Harry: Please! Help me!  
  
Janitor: Um...  
  
::He pulls a paper out of his jumpsuit::  
  
Janitor: Are you...Harry Potter?  
  
Harry: Yes, now please help me!  
  
Janitor: Uh...nope, sorry. No can do.  
  
Harry: WHAT!?  
  
Janitor: Well, see here. ::points to paper:: This here paper says that a Mr. Harry Potter cannot leave the building under any circumstances.  
  
Harry: WHHHHHY!!!  
  
Janitor: I don't know, don't ask me.  
  
::He puts the paper away and begins to mop while Harry hangs his head and begins to cry. The janitor pulls out another piece of paper. It looks like a picture::  
  
Janitor: Uh, Mr. Potter...  
  
Harry: ::sobbing:: What?  
  
Janitor: Can I have your autograph?  
  
::Harry looks up at him and we hear a low growl come from him.::  
  
Janitor: Ah, that's what I thought, yep.  
  
::He puts the picture away and continues to mop. Harry hangs his head down again and keeps crying. When the janitor is done, he apologizes to Harry and turns the lights off and leave.::  
  
Harry: Why me? Why does everyone hate me?  
  
::He hangs his head once more and goes back to sobbing::  
  
A/N: Aww, poor Harry...::thinks:: nah...I'll try to have a few more chapters up by the end of the week. Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy!! 


	7. Day Two with Guilderoy

I don't own anything except myself and that's it...nothing else...and maybe my puppy...and that's it and NOTHING else...except maybe this chair...but nothing else! Maybe this hat...  
  
~*~*~Next Day~*~*~  
  
::We are in a light studio and there are people in the audience, someone sitting in the host desk, and a guest. Ah, it's Harry. Who would have guessed? The intro music comes on and the audience applauds::  
  
Lindsay: Welcome back again! This is day two of the...  
  
Harry: ::he has a 5 o'clock shadow:: ...the rest of my life...  
  
Lindsay: Exactly! HPTV! Our first guest tonight ::picks up card:: is Harry Potter! Give him a hand!  
  
::the crowd applauds again::  
  
Lindsay: Welcome, Harry!  
  
Harry: You idiot! I've been here for the past 24 hours!  
  
Lindsay: How's your stay?  
  
Harry: Miserable!  
  
Lindsay: That's fantastic...say...Harry, is that real?  
  
::Lindsay points at Harry::  
  
Harry: What my scar?  
  
Lindsay: ::thinks about it:: That...and your accent.  
  
Harry: ::sigh:: The accent is real for the fifth time.  
  
Lindsay: And the scar?  
  
Harry: Yes, it was given to me by Voldemort.  
  
Lindsay: ::gasp:: Do you mean...VOLDIE?  
  
Harry: I suppose so...  
  
Lindsay: Well, that's great! He'll be on later tonight performing a few of his new songs from his new CD...  
  
::Lindsay holds up the CD::  
  
Lindsay: "Puppies, Kitties, and Butterflies".  
  
Harry: Well, isn't that just peachy...  
  
Lindsay: YES IT IS! Our next guest is...an idiot...please welcome Guilderoy Lockhart!  
  
::The intro music begins and Guilderoy comes out on stage and sits down in the chair next to the host desk looking at Harry::  
  
Guilderoy: What happened to him?  
  
::He points to Harry::  
  
Harry: She's a mad woman! Don't look into her eyes! DON'T DO IT!  
  
Lindsay: He drank the water...want some water?  
  
Guilderoy: Okay!  
  
::Lindsay hands Guilderoy a bottle of water and Guilderoy stares at it.::  
  
Guilderoy: Well isn't this a funny little contraption.  
  
Lindsay: Yeah, you twist the top off of it and drink from it...it took me forever to figure that one out.  
  
::She opens a bottle herself and takes a swig from it::  
  
Guilderoy: So, Lindsay. How are you?  
  
Lindsay: ::slams the water bottle on the table, water flies in every direction:: I'll be the one asking the questions around here!...So, Guilderoy. How are you?  
  
Guilderoy: I'm just great. I had to nip a few pixies back into their cage, that's why I was a wee bit late, one of my classes didn't bother doing it.  
  
Harry: You're a bad teacher.  
  
Guilderoy: I know...I've always wanted to be a charms teacher...  
  
Lindsay: That's great because I don't care and you are boring me!  
  
Guilderoy: Well that's not very nice...  
  
Lindsay: Like I said...I don't care!  
  
Guilderoy: Well...well...you're...MEAN...  
  
::He runs off stage crying::  
  
Lindsay: I lose more guests that way...  
  
Harry: I can't imagine why...  
  
Lindsay: Really?  
  
Harry: No.  
  
Lindsay: ::blank stare:: We'll be right back after this commercial!!!  
  
::Outro music plays and the screen goes black::  
  
A/N: Yeah, Guilderoy annoys me...I'll write the next chapter snappy- doodle...ooh, I like that word...snappy-doodle... 


	8. Day Two with Mrs Norris

Snappy-doodle...I don't own any snappy-doodle Harry Potter thignys, I only own my snappy-doodle self. :-D  
  
::We see black piece of cardboard with the word "Commercial" written on it in white chalk. The "e" is backwards. It stays up for a few seconds and then someone pulls it away reveling the set with Harry still chained and Lindsay sitting at the host desk.::  
  
Lindsay: Welcome back from out commercial!  
  
Harry: That was pathetic...  
  
Lindsay: You're just jealous...  
  
Harry: Oh, yes. I want to own a talk show with fake commercials...  
  
Lindsay: I knew it!  
  
::Harry hangs his head, Lindsay picks up the card::  
  
Lindsay: Our next guest is interesting. Let's interview her...Mrs. Norris!  
  
::The band plays and the little cat walks out on stage. She glares at the audience and next things we know, the audience is on their feet, cheering. She jumps up on the chair and the audience sits down.::  
  
Lindsay: That was interesting...  
  
Harry: ::whispers to Mrs. Norris:: Don't look into her eyes.  
  
::Mrs. Norris turns and stares at Harry::  
  
Harry: Yes, master... ::he shakes his head and turns to Lindsay:: I mean, don't look into HER eyes!  
  
::He motions toward Mrs. Norris. Lindsay covers her eyes and begins to talk to the cat::  
  
Lindsay: So, Mrs. Norris...I hear you've been petrified...  
  
Mrs. Norris: ...  
  
Lindsay: ::eyes still covered:: Wow...  
  
Mrs. Norris: Meow...  
  
::A small little scream comes from Lindsay, yet her eyes are covered.::  
  
Harry: This isn't cool!  
  
::He keeps trying to cover his eyes with his hands, but the chains won't allow his hands to go up to his face.::  
  
Harry: ::closes eyes:: Okay, nevermind...  
  
Lindsay: This is uncomfortable...  
  
Mrs. Norris: Meow.  
  
Lindsay: That's a GREAT idea!  
  
::She removes her hands from her eyes only to see Mrs. Norris staring at her.::  
  
Lindsay: ::goes into trance:: Yes...master...  
  
Harry: ::eyes closed:: Nooo!!  
  
Lindsay: Must obey the cat...  
  
Mrs. Norris: Meow...  
  
Harry: NO! Lindsay! No! Whhhhhy!?  
  
::He begins to cry::  
  
Lindsay: Ha, ha! Got you! Aww, you really do care...  
  
::Lindsay, Mrs. Norris, and the audience begin to laugh. Harry's hands goes from his eyes to hit head. He pulls out little chucks of his hair and throws them on the ground and stops vigorously.::  
  
Harry: IKJSdnfsJDkfSJDKFSDJkjfnskdjnzksjLJDF!!!!  
  
::Everyone is staring at Harry::  
  
Lindsay: Um...can you repeat that? I didn't quite get that...  
  
Harry: ::sigh:: Nevermind...  
  
Lindsay: Okay!  
  
Mrs. Norris: Meow.  
  
Lindsay: What? Aw, so soon?  
  
Mrs. Norris: Meow.  
  
Lindsay: Ah, you're hungry.  
  
Mrs. Norris: Meow meow meow meow meow.  
  
Lindsay: Aw, isn't that sweet. Okay...well, thanks for joining us! We've had a great day so far...  
  
Harry: Speak for yourself...  
  
Lindsay: I am...  
  
Mrs. Norris: Meow.  
  
Lindsay: My thoughts exactly!  
  
Harry: That's funny...you have thoughts...  
  
::He begins to laugh insanely. Everyone stares at him again.::  
  
Lindsay: Pay no attention to the man in the chains a bald patches and come back after the break!  
  
::Lindsay and Mrs. Norris begin to dance as the camera fades away.::  
  
A/N: A little hard to interview a cat...unless you speak it...which I don't...but my character does...isn't that convenient? Stay tuned! 


	9. Day Two with Voldie Preforming

Ahh! Writing again! I'm a mad woman watch out!...aw, this part reminds me how much I DON'T own...how sad.  
  
Lindsay: NO COMMERCIALS!  
  
Harry: You're a dork.  
  
Lindsay: I also have the power to release you or kill you.  
  
Harry: ::cries::  
  
Lindsay: Ha ha, made you cry. Please give it up for VOLDIE!!  
  
::We see Voldie with his back to the audience and there is a band playing all around him. He turns around as the music starts playing and grabs the microphone.::  
  
Voldie: I once was evil, I once destroyed. I once believed that pain would cause joy, for me...and it did!  
  
I once destroyed this little boy. Who feel over and died and the sunshine shined in my eyes.  
  
This is how I loved sunshine, everything bright, Everything shining, so blinding, for me.  
  
I once destroyed a little girl with something in her mouth.  
  
She fell and died and it fell from the sky, that something in her mouth.  
  
It shattered on the floor, but nonetheless it was sweet on my lips.  
  
The sugar filled lollipop...  
  
::backgrounds singers and dancers start to come out::  
  
Harry: This is too weird...  
  
Voldie: ...was what helped the day pass byyyyyyyyy.  
  
I loved the sunshine!  
  
Background: Sunshine!  
  
Voldie: I love the lollipops!  
  
Background: Lollipops!  
  
Voldie: THEN one stormy night, the sky fell down and BEAUTY filled the skyyy!  
  
I looked up to see and to my surprise a rainbow filled the skkkk – yyyy!  
  
Background: Oooo ooooo.  
  
Voldie: Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows! These are my favorite things. Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows! If I see you with these things I will...(speeds up) kill you and try and take them from you!!  
  
Everyone (Lindsay, Audience, Voldie, Background, not Harry): Sunshine...lollipops...and...RAINBOWWWWWWWS!!!!  
  
::Everyone bursts out into applause and beings to give a standing ovation, except for Harry, who is still chained.::  
  
Voldie: Thank you! Thank you! Without you, this would not be possible!  
  
Audience: Yay!  
  
Lindsay: ::wipes tear from eye:: What a GREAT performance! We'll be back right after this break!  
  
::Audience is cheering except Harry who is SO confused.::  
  
A/N: I just made this song up last night...maybe you have to know the tune to it...or maybe you can make up one...Have fun!! 


End file.
